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Random infrequent ramblingsI dare you to move... 04 Februar SadnessIn light of recent events, I thought I’d share a few thoughts with the world and dedicate this blog to those who have lost loved ones, have nearly lost them, or know someone who has passed over.
Death plagues me. If I didn’t stop myself, I could potentially think about it 24/7. I could conjure up images and fantasies (the bad ones) of losing loved ones, because, to be honest, I’m shit scared. Death to me is foreign, it’s scary, and I just don’t know how to face it. I dream (or dare I say have nightmares) about death, and I often wonder God’s say in when it’s our time to leave.
What about those people who get second chances? What about those who don’t? Who’s to say that one person can leave this earth, but not another? Am I horrible in thinking that there are people out there who deserve to be dead…and others out there who should not have met God this early?
I question my faith in times of need. Which seems ridiculous, coz you only have your faith in times of need. Yes, you have friends, family for support. But they can’t bring back someone who has crossed over. (I know that’s not what they’re trying to do, but my point is coming). Anyway, nothing can bring back someone who has passed away, but you need your faith to restore your faith, if that makes sense.
I once remember having a serious discussion about death in year 12 and I wondered out loud as to why young people (especially babies) die. What’s the point? Where’s God? Why does he do such things? Etc etc. I will never forget what a friend (ok ex-friend, but minor details) said to me. Her words were: “God has put us on this earth to achieve something, to accomplish something. Once we have achieved it, and we have met that goal, He takes us away, for we have already done what He wanted us to do”. When I think about that, it restores my faith. I need my faith. Without it, I have nothing.
All religious babble aside, because I know that not everyone believes…a friend’s mother passed away last week from a 3 month battle with a rare form of stomach cancer. I remember when said friend told us her mum was sick in October, then the diagnosis came in November, and the hell the family went through over the next few months. I could never imagine what they went through.
Fortunately for me, I’ve never really come face-to-face with death. My grandfather died when I was 10, and my great-grandmother died at 75 when I was 11. I hardly remember attending funerals and I don’t remember being upset. I don’t really understand why I don’t remember mourning…I guess I didn’t understand death at that age. I’ve come face-to-face with near death when my auntie suffered a massive heart attack, but she survived (FORTUNATELY), and it is only now that I’m coming to terms with grief.
I am sad for my friend. I put myself in her shoes and I cannot comprehend how she must be feeling. Seriously, we gotta start thanking God more often for keeping us and our loved ones on earth.
But Lilianna’s mum is finally at peace. She’s no longer suffering.
I don’t know why she had to die so young. I don’t know what God’s plan is. I don’t know what her goal was. But I do know that she must have achieved something, and her time was up. She’s created two beautiful daughters, and there is no doubt that she’ll always be looking down on them, proud as punch!
RIP Vesna Ryan.
May she rest in eternal peace.
May God grant her family the strength to carry on, the determination to feel happy once again, and the faith to continue their own spiritual encounters.
May Vesna’s two daughters keep her memory in their minds – although she won’t be there physically, she’ll always be alive in your mind, hearts, and entire beings. 21 November Now I had the time of my life! And I owe it all to YOU!How funny is it that you attend your own formals (3 in total over 3 years), but only to find that the formal YOU get invited to is actually the best one you have.
Or does that only happen to me?
Formals are totally hyped. Everyone knows if you get your hopes up TOO much, it's a total let down and a total disappoint. You have this fairy tale image of your formal - you'll look gorgeous (and don't worry, you usually do look hot), the place will be beautiful, you'll dance all night, eat awesome food, and everyone will be the best of friends.
Um, reality check!
Food is usually quite shit. No one is ever the best of friends. Actually, in my experience, my year 12 formal SUCKED because of my so called "friends". Actually, I lie, it wasn't THAT bad. But looking back, and after knowing what I found out at the After Party, I don't look back with warm fuzzy memories. It's not that I'm dwelling on it. Seriously, I'm over it, and a few Woolwich girls can go to hell for all I care. But no, I dont want them to go to Hell per se. I'm sure they'll get their Karma somehow.
Anyway, formals are totally overrated. Everyone hypes about this event all year and soemtimes it comes in disappointment. BUT you can make the night awesome. Though usually, the company you're with makes it so. Who cares if the venue sucks donkey balls? Who cares if the food makes you vomit? If you have the right company, who know how to party, you're set!
Oh can I also add that the food last night was tops! Especially the risotto!
Now I had the best time of my life last night! It was perfect in every single way. Even the imperfections (ie. one of the boys forgetting his formal tickets) were turned into perfections (they went back to get the tickets lol). We all looked hot, we all looked young, we all had the best time! Not to mention the hook-ups Arch and I were attempting to arrange. tehehehehe Don't worry, we play match-makers very well (first Nik and Vicky...then Tass and his lady friend...and then well we don't know about Mark & Bianca, but I have a feeling they shared spit that night! lol)
All thanks to you my gorgeous boy, I had the best night EVER!!!!
Love you always!
So yeh...the basis of this is...regardless of what type of party it is (seeing as though some of us are a bit old to go to formals - bar me of course =P) You are the one who makes your night fun...and so is your company! So choose your friends wisely ;) 15 September Girls Just Wanna Have Fun! I think that this new layout for msn spaces is kinda dodgy considering I keep getting weird pop-ups about "missing links". WTF am I missing? lol Staying true to my blog's title, my ramblings have been very infrequent as of late. I think it's because I've had nothing to whinge about (surprise surprise I hear you say!). No seriously. Attempting to avoid the risk of sounding cheesy, life is great at the moment (la vita e bella and all that jazz). I'm happily in love and I have nothing to complain about (actually I always have things to complain about, but hey, if we focused on the bad stuff we'd never have time for the good stuff!) Well the good stuff awaits! I'm waiting for my uni girls to come over for... *drum roll* A GIRLY NIGHT!! Yep that's right! For one night only (pffffftt yeh right), we are going to eat the fattiest food on the planet (ie. chips, dips, popcorn, lollies, pizza and many bottles of soft drink thanks to Louise's mum!), and we're going to talk girly things and watch girly movies!!! Oh my, I cannot wait! lol So bring it on girls! 28 Juni Nerd.Thanks Justina =)
And on a slightly different note -
My Holiday Reading List
The first two are prep for my "Jane Austen & Her Contemporaries" course that I'm doing next Semester. The last 3 are to help my boy with his essays coz I'm an awesome girlfriend, aren't I? =p
Lets see how many I read lol 21 Juni It's more serious than grounding.SO I guess my thought of the day revolves around the topic of controlling parents. I use that term in all sincerity, considering it actually exists, and it is an aspect which can really fuck up a family. It's not a term that can be used lightly. You can't just wake up one day and decide that you have controlling parents just because they won't let you go to the movies.
It's more serious than grounding.
It's when your parents have to be in complete control of all aspects of your life, regardless of your age. They just don't know when to let go. It's like an addiction. They don't know how/when to stop. It's not healthy - for anyone involved. Realising that you have controlling parents is not all sunshine and lollipops. It's like finding out your brother has an addiction to gambling, or that your best friend is addicted to smack. There's only 2 things you can do: 1) Let them help themselves. You cannot do anythig for them until they are willing to help themselves; or 2) remove yourself from the situation.
Both options are easier said than done.
You don't realise that you have controlling parents until you look at your life from a different perspective. Not being allowed to date during High School suggests that they care about your education. If you don't know any different, then you just accept the fate that befalls you. Your parents not allowing you to go to a certain party can also be as a reasonable parental decision (I'm generalising here). Dictating what degree your 'children' do at uni becomes obsessive. Dictating who your 'children' date at the age of 20 becomes controlling. I use the term "children" loosely here, because you're not a child at 20.
I'm not joking, here. II'm not whinning either. This is honestly serious stuff.
I'm not talking about being 16 and having a curfew of 11pm. You're 16 man, there;s a lot of crazy shit out there. Go home. You're not an adult, you're legally under the care of your parents.
I'm talking about being an adult!
Being 19, 20, 21, 22 and having parents who call 5 times a day;
who have to know the map reference of where you're going, who is going and what you'll be doing;
who limit your alcohol intake to "2 drinks";
who question your eating/sleeping/studying habits;
who choose which clothes you should wear;
who choose which friends you have friendships with;
who make all your decisions for you - or rather, TRY to;
who believe that they SHOULD make all your decisions for you;
who push you to do a certain uni degree regardless of whether you want to;
who say "Jump" and expect you to say "how high?";
you make you feel so guilty abut the person you're with, who makes you so incredibly happy.
"If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad.
If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?" I don't want to give a shit anymore.
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